Happy.....er, something...

Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all, as well as a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America includes only the U.S., or that the U.S. is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere, or that any portion of the Americas is in any way superior to any other continent, on this or any other planet) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, sexual preference, or any other aspect of the wishes.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wishers to actually implement any of the wishes for themselves or others and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishers.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year (or other unit time of your choosing), or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first (not to imply that first is necessarily best), and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishers. Furthermore, if any discrepancies are found between this wish and any previous wishes, this wish will supersede previous wishes and, likewise, if any discrepancies are found between this wish and any future wishes, the most current future wish will supersede this and other previous wishes.

PS: Since my children did not sign the nondisclosure agreement; their lack of involvement, lack of contribution, lack of knowledge, and deducible lack of any guilt are hereby implicitly and irrevocably implied without any consequences to them, their stuffed animals, or their unborn descendants and heirs.

PSS: Ho-Ho-Ho!